No mention of his El Tainto?

Protip... Very rarely does an exposed penis and a 600 degree grill combine for a good outcome.

That Billiken is sooooo swipe left on Mascot tinder.

Stop now, before this snowballs out of control.

Just curious, objectively, is your wife KIND OF a spoiled little bitch? Maybe? I’d look her in the eye and ask her “are you a spoiled little bitch?” she replies “yes, yes I am a spoiled little bitch” “well maybe the spoiled little bitch needs a good spanking?” “Would you like that, would you?” next thing you know…

Why do I get the feeling there is more to this stoty and it probably involves wrist-rockets.

Don’t know if they’ve caught the perp yet but I’d bet you that good-for-nothing Danny Zuko was involved.

It’s like he condensed Jeb Bush’s campaign into a Vine. I got it, I got it.. fuck I don’t got it.

A one eyed bullfighter walks in to a bar... Ahhhhh fuck it, I got nothing, started out so well.

Listed on the injury report as a “Shankle”

Un-Workmans comp?

I believe in a parallel universe. And you get all the stars in that one too.

He’s a catcher? Sounds more like an Alt-right fielder.

The kid from Alt-right field.

Who the hell does he think he is, John Montagu?

Portrait is the new landscape.

Does getting teargassed at Disco Demolition night count?

I’m gonna quote Sargent Hulka here. “Lighten up Francis”

That time George Brett shit his pants in Vegas... http://deadspin.com/5052185/george…

Probably caused by some wise-ass poppin’ wheelies and doin’ powerslides.