I’m taking 1 percenter in the 40’s, and it’s not even a tough call. 250K is nice these days, and more than I’ll ever see, but it’s not like “multiple vacation house” nice or “I can afford to buy a Park Avenue apartment for my mistress” nice. Obviously climate control would be worse, but you could buy a house in Maine…

“NEW RULE: PLEASE DON’T CHOKE.”

People get laid after prom? Hell, I didn’t even have a *date* for prom junior year, and I was a girl. I thought girls in high school were supposed to get snapped up faster than dog food in a duck pond. Nobody told my school apparently.

True prom fucking story: Junior prom I take my girlfriend. We get back to my house and pound a bottle of Bacardi Razz (fuck you, Bacardi Razz). Then, I bend her over and tie her hands behind her back with my tie because I’m avant-garde in bed like that. All is right with the world for about a blissful minute, before I…

These (pictures of) pretzels are making me thirsty!

Did you just not mention Cooper Manning in your answer because you didn’t want to look up his name?

Albert Burneko likes dogs and subservient Asian women.

in the last one, the 49ers are science.

If someone would just hide his step-stool, he wouldn't be able to climb up on his soapbox and this problem wouldn't exist.

Hey! Hey! Hey! You be careful what you say!

Did someone say “it’s about fucking time”?

“ ... a trash town full of thin-skinned little whiners who can’t take a goddamn joke that belongs in the dumpster.”

I haven’t seen a Bostonian get out of his seat that fast since Ted Kennedy at Chappaquiddick.

I hope you have a less than stellar day, good sir.

What Also Infuriates Ronda Rousey: disrespect, lack of sportsmanship, trash talk, regular talk, lateness, promptness, water, breathing, everything.

Nice try, Deadspin, but we all know Norwegians aren’t funny.