WHEN WILL THE DISTRACTIONS END!!!

Listen this is bullshit. Clearly OBJ is lying because anyone who would go take a boat trip during an offweek can’t be trusted...

Diaz signed the deal with Temple. They had a presser and everything! And now he gets to demand complete loyalty and no more meetings after talking to him? Do you think if circumstances change for one of his recruits, Diaz is going to be as sympathetic?

I also have a life-size replica Michaelangelo’s David with your head on it

I honestly didn’t think you could keep up all those puns furlong. 

HR here, please stop by in the morning 

🎶you’re looking at the man, in the mirror,

In the four minute video, we’re shown three different paintings of Dwight Howard as Superman.

It’s funny, but I challenge each and every one of you to go look in the mirror, ask yourself “if I could have a Thanos Land Rover without consequence for what to me is essentially pocket change, would I?” and then answer yourself truthfully.

I FUCKING LOVE COCAINE!!!

I haven’t been this disappointed in a horse since Secretariat

Boris needs that promotion!

and especially nautious to side with someone with such poor grammar

Police take victims seriously. Police take diligent notes and follow-up on leads. Police test most rape kits.

Not the Antonio Brown come back story I expected.

Five bucks says the Patriots knew about this. Five more says the Raiders didn't.

“This looks really bad...but we know he can masturbate to completion,” argued Patriots owner Bobby Two-Strokes*. “Surely, I can still find something for him to do.”

“Me too.”

-Guy who spent 14 hours sculpting spiked mini-skulls this offseason

I’m not sure I’d want to see Intergluteal Cleft opening for anyone.