I’ve never been able to just type in my card number from memory before but I somehow just did and bought this shirt.

You are grey because you are spouting the crazy ramblings of a plate person.

“Meat Love Supreme” was my favorite one of the Supremes.

Let’s not forget Rispherdal, Abilify, Lithium... I know he’s a scientologist, but at some point, everyone gets crazy enough for some kind of pharmaceutical flirtation...eating children will only keep the darkness away for so long...just ask Ted Cruz.

I think they plan to replace it with Bootstrap Savings Accounts.

Oh my gosh. I want this. All of it. If someone named a snail after me I am not sure I would ever be able to function without them.

I enjoy his movies, but I have never gotten the appeal of him as a person. He has always struck me as a volatile and domineering asshole.

Real talk: I hope that’s where I am at that age. After an extraordinarily lusty, slutty, and adventurous 20's and 30's, I am now 40, a married woman, a new mom, and so exhausted I could cry. Don’t get me wrong—the quality is there, but the quantity is not. I am constantly too stressed and tired. So I plan to raise…

His ego is obviously the largest thing in that picture.

The Fall messed me up so much. He’s a sadistic killer who hates women but he’s so freaking hot! So conflicted!

Yeah, and also, I love cars (restoring two classics very slowly right now). If I’d had a boyfriend who complimented me on being brainy and reading good, then built me a car, and was that smoking hot, you’d have to use a crowbar and tranquilizers to pop me off that dick. I’d be there permanently. I’d pay my taxes from…

I will start watching Ballers for the Rock’s butt!

The real news here is that some of the competitors somehow managed NOT to die. We need to sequence their DNA so that someday, all of us can eat as many donuts as we like without dying.

I feel like that man should have ketchup and mustard stains on his shirt.

Those sprinkles can be a real b—-h.

“For the wretched of the Earth/There is a flame that never dies/Even the darkest night must end and the [IRS should be abolished].” — Students at the Barricades

“Banana Girl and Durian Rider”

Good god. I walked into Whole Foods one day and frantically began looking for the gas leak/sewage spill. Nope, it was DURIAN! There was a woman giving free samples. I had to try it, of course, despite the stench.

#NotAllCanadians. Most of us love cake and vaccines.

OMG I bought the I Quit Sugar book and it is insane! It’s really just a bunch of platitudes about health, 5 ok recipes, 250 pictures of her posing with kale, and the rest is all word salad about toxins.