OF COURSE Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield are back together. They are awesome. Without their pairing, the world cannot hold.

I remember this. In fact, when I heard that Pearlman had died, my first thought was, “Oh, the boy band-molester guy died.” I would think that a lot of the boy band guys would be having mixed emotions, mostly along the lines of: Yay, I’m glad that fucker is dead.

YESSSS! One of the great joys of my childhood was the burning lava of the fried apple pie. (Of course, back then, we did not specify “fried,” because duh.) Nowadays, the only fast food restaurant around here that still fries them is Rally’s (Checkers, in some parts of the country). And I’m thankful for my daughter’s…

I think the same. Of course, I’m 114 years old, myself, so.

I’d vote for that capybara over Trump ANY DAMN DAY OF THE WEEK. He’d pick way better Supreme Court justices AND he’d listen to his advisers when they tell him straight to his snouty little face that he’s being a dumbass.

James Cameron is a total dick, and I don’t mean that in a good way.

The nose-booping would only be remarkable if you did it with a rolled-up newspaper in your hand.

This. Booker’s got a future. Let’s plan the long game, people!

I’m almost as excited now for a Kaine-Pence debate as I am for Clinton-Trump. I’d pay a bajillion dollars to watch Clinton debate Trump on foreign policy. Or any policy, for that matter.

This is exactly what I’ve been saying. If Hillary can project on the straight and narrow and avoid any (inevitable) accusations of “hysterical female” (because you KNOW it will be tried), she’s going to clean Trump’s Cheeto-colored clock.

1 billion more stars for this, please.

She maybe hasn’t seen it ALL — like, ALL of ALL of it — but I’d bet she’s seen, like, 99.6 percent of it all. (Translation: That girl has snorted coke off things that we regular people cannot even IMAGINE.)

Ain’t nothin I hate more than a whiny man.

When I came home today, there was a funky smell in my apartment. I could not identify the source. My laptop was on, and this story was up on Jez.

Little girls are AMAZING. And they never stop, really. If you just let them be what they want to be, they will just be AMAZING. My own little girl would only wear dresses from about 2 to 6, but ONLY with bike shorts or leggings because she was modest (somehow) and fierce and didn’t want to show her undies while GOING…

This right here. I am 48 and I took ballet for, like, 4 classes, because my orthopedist told my mom it’d be good for my toe-walking (a side effect of the cerebral palsy, not because I really needed a good plie.) My teacher was French and very mean. She had no damn time for the bookish girl in the back row who could…

“Family members noticed that the two developed a romantic relationship.”

I would be wondering about the father: Why were no child-trafficking charges filed against HIM?

I was thinking more like David Gest.

I’m too relieved that Martin Short is looking halfway normal again. I don’t know if he’s addicted to Botox or to the laser-knife, but sometimes when I watch him talk, I hold my breath because I’m so anxious his skin is going to burst.