The picture of that chemistry experiment test brought back a memory — my freshman year of college, 1986-87. The first couple of pregnancy tests I took were that type. It was HELL — I was certain I was getting a false negative. Turns out, I have PCOS, and my late periods were a symptom of my hormonal imbalance, not a…

I feel justified in my faith that this guy is a dickhole.

DAMMIT. Now I can never go to Australia!

I just logged in to ask whether I can use those donuts to decorate my vagina. I refuse to use the term “vajazzling,” so I say it the old-fashioned way, as is my wont.

I once nearly died just LOOKING at ketchup (it was on the chewed-up scrambled eggs in my brother’s mouth, which he kept forcing me to look at). I was 9 and he was 6. So I’d say, start there.

Yeah, I’d forgotten that important fact — the divorce happened after he took a job in Israel. She followed him with the kids for a bit, then moved back to the U.S. He stayed there. So, yeah, he really cared about his kids. He cared about them so much that he moved to/stayed in a different country.

I think the judge said that her INTENT was to get them away from both parents’ influence. Or, at least, the mother. The idea being — some time for them to be away from the mom’s alleged “brainwashing.” So it makes sense to me that she’d send them to a camp with very little visitation.

They’re married. Dave G is her husband. They both sound like real winners, and by “winners,” I mean “terrible, terrible people.”

Here’s a local media story where the father tells his side. (It names the family, which is gross and terrible, since the kids are minors.) The father says the “I saw my dad hit my mom” incident never happened — there was some “incident” at a park, the mom SAYS the dad hit her, but he never did.

THIS. Order 50/50 split physical custody, with a strong schedule of therapy for EVERYONE, every day if you need to, until the PARENTS get their shit together.

WTH is wrong with people? How stupid do you have to be, to need video/photos/whatever of people peeing and pooping at Starbucks, that you put your damn cell phone (which has a phone number, which is WRITTEN DOWN SOMEWHERE IN A COMPUTER AT THE PHONE COMPANY — you know, they have a LIST WITH YOUR NAME ON IT SOMEWHERE)…

You are the smartest woman in the planet.

God. I fucking hate Rachel McAdams so bad right now.

I can’t wait until having a hole drilled right into a person’s skull is a fashion statement. The cool kids will have their “work” done at the brain stem, because that costs a lot extra for the neurology consult. Wannabes will just have parts of their frontal lobes excised. It'll be awesome!

And can they sell tickets, and can I be free that night? And can I bring my camera? PHOTOS JUST FOR ME, I PROMISE.

I actually sent the People magazine alert about their breakup to my husband (in answer to the inevitable question: Yes, I DO fill my time with important things). I said that I was incredibly relieved about their breakup, as my weekend is now free time, because I won’t have to make all those FREE CHARLIZE T-shirts I…

Schock and awesome.

Please tell me that that blonde thing is not a sex doll.

“Rotating First Lady” must be the new slang for “twink.”

Oh, God. I am in tears. She reminds me so much of my daughter — that smiling picture at the top.