My daughter’s favorite sentence at age 2 1/2 was “I don’t want you to learn me!”. She wanted to do everything herself, and without being shown how. Now at age 5 she has mellowed a bit and allows me to show her how to do things, but she still enjoys cooking, pushing the buttons in the washer to do laundry, etc.

It’s not really gender-neutral, though. Since when do boys clothes include spaghetti straps? Or shorts that are actually, you know, short? Or shirts with cut outs?

"Well, Larry, we're both assholes and our combined douchcanoe-ness created a black hole in the universe that sucked all our love for each other into another time-dimension where it awaits mankind in order to destroy life as we know it."

Bill O'Reilly is to legitimate news as the Taco Bell dumpster is to authentic Mexican food.

If it were me (and I would SOOO do this), I'd temporarily re-locate the residents to a small tank. I'd empty the big tank completely. I'd climb in. Then I'd have my photographer pal fill the tank with me in it, then add my resident friends! They'd be all, "Get a load of the new guy!" Winning!

Roy Scheider is saying, "We're going to need a bigger feud."

So parch, much refresh

Is it possible to get a doctor's note that forbids work from fucking me?

At which point he'll become Hispanic for sure.

That is why the only thing I was in contact with was Netflix. He is a faithful and attentive lover.