First Santa gifts me with the upcoming OJ movie with David Scwimmer as Robert Kardashian, and now...this. I’m tearing up. Best Christmas ever!

And John Travolta. I could cry with joy.

AND is being played by David Schwimmer in the upcoming FX cheese fest, because Santa loves me.

No more Lillian Vernon?

Actually, we never should have let the world in on blessing the hearts of the unfortunate. It can really only be used ironically now.

I refuse to “ship” anybody under any circumstances.

That video is the story of my 28-year marriage in a nutshell.

In the early eighties, I was a newlywed traveling in Asia, and I found the Esprit outlet in Singapore.

She fell out of a limo onto her face. Really.

You gotta have faithafaithafaitha.

I think he was rolling.

James is a puppy who has figured out how to get under the pet gate, that is true. Not sure about Lauren. LaLa looks young, maybe even younger without the makeup, but her soul is ancient.

Specifically, you're right about James. Not sure about LaLa, but spiritually she is maybe sixty.

Can all of us who revel in the Housewives etc. ever find a truly safe place for indulgence and fellowship? Sort of like the transvestite summer camp on “transparent?” Between VR and Atlanta I could use a weekend there. The Lake Lanier Pontoon Incident still has me reeling.

I watch this and think “oh, the foolishness of youth, God bless ‘em,” and then I remember that most of them are in their thirties, and all my hopes for America crumble to ash.

This post is my new favorite Internet thing. I’m dropping Joseph Gordon-Levitt lipsyncing Janet Jackson down and putting this on top.

I'm sure mine had ham in there as well. It was pretty cloudy from the dissolved pretzels.

I believe you. This was not that. The jello was green, and the crushed pretzels were suspended in the murky depths with other flotsam.

Only a little inside

She brought me that shit BECAUSE SHE HEARD I WAS ILL