I am the egg man.

I mean, it isn’t that unlikely. If you grew up in a religious, conservative home, or just prioritized your own career goals over dating, it’s completely reasonable. Personally, I left my own upbringing behind several years ago, but I haven’t had sex yet because dating feels like a waste of time when there’s Netflix…

He wrote it because he hated a dog. Or that’s one of the legends.

“One of the most common typos is in the sentence, ”I got graped by one of your drivers”. Obviously they meant they ate grapes provided by one of our drivers.”

One of my high school English Lit teachers was a Shakespeare fangirl. She had posters all over the room, little statues, and framed near her desk was a print of Shakespeare’s tombstone (it’s why I know the epitaph by heart). I 100% believe she is excited enough not just for you, but for everyone who is not excited,…

ONE WIN

I work at a small school, and our two male teachers are much older men who are married and all around good guys. The one man my age who came to work for us, who was also married and the minister of a small church, apparently couldn’t help himself and proceeded to constantly tell me how great my body was and how…

In nine hours and twenty seven minutes... You’ll be MINE!

That’s super weird! It’s yellow and the image of Satan devouring a lamb to me.

Why is this a thing? I’m just axing.

It’s not a big deal. A black bar in a photo just means you have 72 hours to find and kill all of your blood relatives or Lizzie rises from the grave to drag you, screaming, into Hell.

I would watch an entire show of Martha just dissing stuff.

You get to the point where your grandkids are gonna say to you, “Papa, what did you do to stop He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?” And I had to finally get out and speak.”

I can’t currently star, so here’s a dog eating cake instead:

So before the slobbering hoard of Gamergate misogytrolls show up, I just want to say....

she was “combative and uncooperative

“Literally?” “Stole?” “Your?”

“Jenner is a ‘secondary reality television personality’ who has received criticism from disability rights groups and African-American communities.”

Says someone from a country that might vote TRUMP in?!

We’re currently watching your election right now, I don’t know how much more disappointed we can be