Johari, girl, you my hero.

Fuck you, judge. This should be a career ending mistake for this asshole.

Yes. That’s exactly what just happened here.

I’d have taken up gin.

It sounds like the diamond might be inherently evil.

Well, I’d want it back, too. It does help kill alien werewolves if used along with giant telescopes. That could come in handy.

This reminds me of that thing when Kelly Clarkson wanted to buy Jane Austin’s ring and British people were all up in arms about a piece of their culture leaving the country.

Hey, the question was most beautiful woman, not most beautiful mythical forest nymph. Stop cheating.

Nancy Drew is on the case!

Perfection, thy name is Lupita.

Monogrammed Thermos™ does both!

The writing on that one is the BEST. I lost it at fleeing the great Fucks Famine of 2015.

OH GOD. I haven’t even finished reading but that Funky Town story has brought actual tears to my eyes.

It’s fucking blue and black! Do not start with that shit again.

#blackcoffeematters

Remember kids: Black Lives Matter is a bunch of whiners who are looking for reasons to be offended. The real oppression is a lack of Christmas iconography on your coffee cups.

I don’t know. They may have a point. Those cups don’t look anything like the ones Jesus drank his Gingerbread Lattes out of.

I would have thought Colonel Sanders would be a breast man.