“’Standby?’ If I stand, then it’s bye-bye! AHohohoho”

Finally someone with a better answer to the Purge question beyond “I’d stay home because I’m a good person”.

“Black tie optional” is the worst one to me. It’s basically saying “please come dressed up extremely nice, and wearing a tux would be a good idea.” Fuck that shit. If you want me to wear a tux, tell me to wear a goddamn tux. Of course, weddings that I have been to that were “black tie optional” were in places like…

And suddenly Brett Kavanaugh is conflicted over who to root for. 

I don’t know what the significance of this is going to be, but in one of the newspapers you can briefly see the headline says “Veidt Officially Declared Dead”

and that “world champion climber” (probably named Jim) came to him afterwards with tears streaming down his face and said “Sir, you just built the most unclimbable wall in history. You are truly a genius and hero to us all and are making American great again.

Why is Girardi talking about him in the past tense like he’s dead? How fucked up is that? He’s right there, you moron.

Yeah, sure, but also fuck the Yankees. 

I was just joking with a friend about how stupid bulletin board material is. I’m going to assume that everybody in the NFL is properly motivated all the time. Oh now you’re going to try to win? Before you were happy to maybe beat the spread, but now it’s personal. You’re going to chew tape angrily.

PDX is great. Its the easiest airport I’ve ever used and I don’t think I’ve ever waited more than 10 minutes in a security line. There’s plenty of good restaurants and the airport is fairly “open” so its easy to find a place to settle if you need to wait a long time for a flight

I think it was invented to give hygienists a reason to stab you with the little metal pick thing.

I’m mean, we’re talking about practice.  Practice.  Not even a game.  Practice.

Little League. 12 years old, I lace what I am SURE is a line drive foul ball down the third base line. I shake my head, don’t even really leave the area around home plate, walk around, gather myself and go to step into the batter’s box for the next pitch.

Worst strike three call of all time? No chance. This was a random call in the middle of an August regular season game. Eric Gregg kept it up for an entire NLCS Game 7.

Yes, one of the many reasons this crap is so ridiculous is because it’s not remotely safe to be wearing an 11-year-old helmet anyway, especially if it’s taken 11 years of beatings. You would think the guy personally at risk for traumatic brain damage would care about a thing like that.

We live in a world which has learned to view satire as aspirational fiction, which is a logical outcome of “everyone’s pov is valid, you are your own best friend, tolerance is the key” etc. Not that those are bad things, but it has been kind of horridly fascinating watching this ethos develop over the last fifty years…

Republican: “So, Mr. Mueller. How would you describe the - garbled speech - hunt into the president?”

Is that because it’s the only one left?

First of all, not going to shed a single tear for Giants fans, who have celebrated three more world series wins this decade than any team I root for.