Allahu Bikerbar?

It's Saturday. It's never too early for wine :)

Well, that’s completely condescending to victims of sexual assault. You know some of us go on to lead entirely fulfilling lives where what happened to us doesn’t dictate our happiness?

Thanks for saying this. I was raped 25 years ago and it is such a small part of my overall life experience that I would hate for anyone to define me by that one experience. I appreciate that everyone processes trauma differently and I respect that assault can affect someone profoundly, this is just my experience and I…

It’s absolutely tragic what happened to the child, but I know survivors of rape who go on to lead fulfilling lives. That’s all I’m hoping for the kid. Obviously with a ton of love, therapy and family support.

Hold up... I thought Lucas got bought out. She killed him? I mean, I didn’t like the prequels either, but that seems harsh, Carrie.

Men who think the point of feminism is to provide them with another justification to decide what women should wear:

I hate this mouth-slightly-open nonsense. Does anyone ever really naturally pose like that? I want to ask her, politely, to close her pie hole.

The writing on that one is the BEST. I lost it at fleeing the great Fucks Famine of 2015.

You know, one day I’ll be mature enough not to giggle for thirty seconds about the couple fighting over their Dog’s sperm being named the Wangsnesses.

KAZOOOOOS!

1) Use the coupons for the hottest salsa you can get.

Imma guess the Illuminati cut you off before you could finish

Coincidentally, someone left the exact same note on the back of a bar napkin by the endzone of Soldier Field.

I sort of agree with her. At the gym or at the pool or at the beach, the type of woman who usually tells me to cover up more (regardless of what I am wearing) tends to be overweight. I'm not happy with the "ghetto" part but I definitely get more crap from overweight women than thin or fit women.

... but then he’d spend less time with me.

It won’t let me turn him rightside up, but that’s him.Trying to eat the camera. Like you do.

Ask him to spend more time with you.

The glass just made them feel cooler. Which is good enough reason to do it, really.