Well, they do make it very clear what the rules are. And unless I am incorrect, they would first have taken the dogs into custody (which sounds so funny in my head, taking dogs into custody), quarantined them, had them checked out and then charged insane fees to get them back after the quarantine time has elapsed. So…

Very true. I was surprised to learn that. They do have the BEST birds, though! We are visiting this fall, and I greatly look forward to seeing kea parrots, because they give no fucks, and I admire that in a creature.

Mr. Von Black is a Kiwi, and we are considering relocating there. Trust me when I say one needs to do the research and have the right papers in order to bring their furry compatriots (Hugo Chavez The Red Menace, Cardinal Fang and Steve, in our case...), or you will end up with a quarantined animal, tons of fees, or…

A driver. Then I could just be high all day and go do whatever I wanted with no guilt. And I would call him Jeeves. It would be grand.

I had forgotten it was Monday until I saw the new BCO. Bless you, good Master Pinkham for giving me a lovely present after a truly craptacular day at work. May a thousand cocktails rain upon you, and tomatoes forever flee from your presence.

Wasn't it Chris Rock who said that men are only as faithful as their options?

Mine always had to try it once. They were horribly picky as children, but as older teens now, they've developed a far better palate. It was delightful to take them both to a Tibetan/Nepalese restaurant and have them both love it. Success at long last!

Back in the days of Pokemon, Welches put out a line of Pokemon themed jelly, and my picky toddlers were in heaven. Bulbasaur jelly was the ONLY jelly that was not disgusting. So, of course, they stopped selling it. I kept that same damn Bulbasaur jar for two years and secretly refilled it with regular grape jelly.…

And I think I speak for all replacement moms when I say we feel just as lucky, since we get extra people in our lives to love.

As the bisexual mother of a gay son and pansexual daughter, I really want to slap your mother right now. I hope you have lots of other awesome women in your life to support you and love you.

All of the love, hugs and cocktails to the people sharing their stories. I’m all weepy and have feelings, because I love my mom, and my kids and I adore each other, and I’m a lucky girl.

The first moment I had respect for my mother was when I was about ten, and being a spoiled ass brat at Disneyland. She threatened to take me home, and I was like NO WAY IT IS DISNEYLAND I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT HAHAHAHAHA (thought it, didn’t say it), and continued being an annoyance to all around me.

I didn’t leave my kids alone in a car until they were teenagers. Maybe I’m over protective. I decided to not leave them alone until I felt they were old enough to deal with a crazy situation, were it ever to happen.

I don’t hate Courtney Love.

The title made me laugh too, but also to wonder if people would think an article about Hillary titled, “Chubbo Droopy Dog Face Announces Presidential Bid” would be as warmly accepted.

I couldn’t stop humming this as I read this story...

One of my friends has a story about accidentally dropping an ice cream on Tom Cruise at the Faire. I guess he was super sweet and bought her a new one, even though it was her fault. I was kind of bummed, because Tom Cruise just seems like such a dickbag. How dare he redeem himself!

This former waitress thanks you. I never got too cranky about kid mess when a nice tip was left for me. The ones who let their kids run wild and leave fifty cents as a tip deserve to spend eternity watching reruns of Two And A Half Men.

As a former waitress, I am The Table Spokesperson at nearly every dinner out. When my children were young, they knew if they hemmed and hawed and wasted a server’s time, I would simply decide for them right there on the spot.

Being only allergic to non-food things most of my life, I got to experience first hand how my Celiac husband feels when given gluten....