Whenever someone mentions how Obama wore flip-flops I hug my flag and say to myself, “Never again.”

I believe that production has already been done under the title The Obama Administration. ‘Member when he took all the guns and forced us to follow Shakira Law? My children still have nightmares about the tan suit and the Dijon mustard.

Can’t they just do a nice Christian Hell House which show the horrors of abortion, pre-marital sex, same-sex marriage, raving and drugs?

I do love the delightfully goofy passion he gives to that movie. Say what you will about Arnie, but he rarely phones it in (someone like Bruce Willis would barely conceal their bitter contempt to a movie like Jingle all the Way).

“Up and atom!”

Yeah. I could see if a network/service was trying to force this on me, to cram in more commercials, or sell me more of their videos, that’d be one thing, but whatever consenting adults do to themselves in the privacy of my own bedroom is nobody else’s goddam business.

I was watching a show on Netflix the other day and turned up the brightness a little. Next thing I know, Judd Apatow burst into my house and beat me to a pulp for messing with his artistic vision. It wasn’t even one of his films!

“Painters don’t go around knocking the polarized sunglasses off of museum visitors’ heads.”

My problem with it is that they’re talking about the Bear Jew as this fearsome guy and him in the dark clanking his baseball bat as he gets closer is really menacing... and then out steps Eli Roth.  No one, ever, has been scared of Eli Roth.

I genuinely fucking hope you’re the only one. Fuck that Nazi piece of shit. Nazis onscreen or off deserve no sympathy. Zero. They’re goddamn Nazis. Fuck ‘em. I’d love to hear you somehow tell my relatives who were killed by Hitler how much sympathy you have for the people who tortured them on a daily fucking basis.…

There was a story in Irvine Welsh's Acid House book (I don't remember the movie) about a guy who would have offed himself so much faster if this was an option. Oh the wonders of technology.

Honestly, I’m staunchly anti-death penalty, but I think executing Aunt Becky might heal the nation.

I’d let her get me into Brown so I can pursue a PhD in American Studies!  HAAAAWWWWT!

They weren’t even done tattooing the teardrop by her eye!!

Wow thank you for this. Incredible.

Good. Gander slander has no place in 2019

The Raisens? Are they by chance from California and are they in a jazz rock band promoting produce?

The rich, they’re as petty as us!

Obviously other things earn the “despicable” label, how else would you describe the pronoun trouble involved in duping a hunter to shoot a duck even though it’s clearly rabbit season?

I'm flabbergasted that the headline here isn't about not just the availability but the very existence of an Undercover Brother 2, which was apparently released this year.