Edelman’s quote of the coach was obviously edited, because I’m pretty sure what Belichick really said was…

Never mind Fultz. How did he get better seats than Nelson Mandela?

As the investigation intensified, the three climbers issued a joint statement: “We made it up.”

Fuck me, this is the first comment to make me actually laugh out loud in a while. 

+2 legit

Fun fact: “The Touching is, To Me, Off Limits,” was the original title of MC Hammer’s 1990 breakthrough single. 

If only there was a way....perhaps some sort of marking....that could go on uniforms so that officials wouldn’t have to rely on players’ faces to tell players apart. After all, what’s the official scorer to do when all he hears is “two shots.......foul on the kid with the acne.....”

As a Colts fan, this was spot-on. Great work.

Especially prophetic was his choice to get “except a homeowner and with an aluminum vacuum tube” tattooed on his left bicep.

If this doesn’t have 1000 stars by tomorrow, we shouldn’t bother waking up.

 Smith grabbed his cellphone and threw it into a construction zone

I played a lot of sports in middle and high school, although my experience may be a lot different than his since I’m female and went to a public school.

That’s tough. I’m sure, in hindsight, he wishes he would’ve kept his players out of arm’s way. 

“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”

Are you trying to summon the lawyers? What is wrong with you

“Johnny should have known that we don’t know what we should have known that he was known not to know we he or we were knowing what either of us were doing knowingly or unknowingly.” - The Browns

Ne-ver want to see ya take a snap

I’m sorry L. Jackson, but please run this wheeeeel

Tough decision. His heart is between a rock and a hard place.

I’ll believe Andrew Luck is healthy when I see him play, and maybe not even then