The way that the oldest person in the world becomes the oldest person in the world is by the one person who is older than they are dying. So when you started out

Well, the black one is much more slimming.

Like, I think she's confusing them with basilisks or some other thing that turns you to stone.

I would totally buy it if it didn't say Katy Perry on the back and had a fin instead.

Hi, I just had post this reply so you could see it in your notifications. It appears some asshole has hacked into your Kinja account and is posting stupid and unnecessary contrarian posts with unnecessary semantics arguments.

Just as exotic as having a martini at a Hyatt Place in NJ. Poor kid searched everywhere for gin, grabbing everything from Hennessy to Tequila, showing me each bottle, and asking "Is this gin?" To be a little fair, he was a front desk guy, and Hyatt Place makes Front Desk do everything whether or not they're fully…

Here is my Leonard Nimoy story.

I mean...I feel like this baby is going to grow up to be Seth Rogen.

Mmm, yes. Quite.

So, I went to a very strict Catholic boarding school, although I was a day student during the week and then went home on the weekends. When I was about 7/8 we started learning cursive writing. A very young, new nun (as in she had just taken her vows) took us for both handwriting and bible classes. I was having trouble…

There was this guy today at the cafe, where we were the only two people in the room, and he kept on staring at me, while I was eating, doing homework, and using the phone. And as I was using Tinder, I saw his profile, it was quite racially charged and full of fetishization (think confederate flags, Yellow Fever,…

"Okay, everybody, we need to burn down the reception hall to cement our love!"

Frighteningly enough, I have read an entire book about the colour mauve, and I liked it. Did you know mauve was invented in 1859? Let me talk at you about it all day.

I was puzzled by the sincere distress and distaste shown in these replies, and maybe that's the answer: there is a cultural disconnect here. I am from the deepest South, and to me this is natural and fitting. Southern Gothic is not just a category of literature. Down here we name babies after departed family members,…

Spoiler alert: "dun da dun dun" isn't the first four notes of the theme: it's his heartbeat if he doesn't take his meds XD

I hope your boss didn't really hold it against you, especially after seeing how much Dan Aykroyd meant to you.

I met Dan Akroyd at a baseball game when I was maybe 4 or 5. My dad, being a photojournalist who pulled some strings for us to meet Dan, was dismayed that I would not and could not spare a single fuck about this strange man. I remember him being REALLY nice and engaging with me though.

Flannel never really left you. When you saw only one set of footprints, that was when flannel carried you.

Roughly 1992-yesterday

Of course I don't buy them already shelled, you pinko PETA-supporting commie! I buy them LIVE so I CAN KILL THEM.