vanitas1918
vanitas1918
vanitas1918

Yeah, while the yogurt wasn't made with semen, I think there's already precedent that we as a society aren't too keen on brogurt. I think we can all agree that genital snacking of any gender should be confined to sexy times and not actual food production.

No worries. I already had one foot creeping out the door anyway. I'd been there for nearly 7 years and at the time of the Great Ghostbuster Vodka Event, I was also trying to convince corporate to let me work 38 hours a week instead of 40 (while covering the oh-so-vital evening and weekend shifts they always had

It's no secret to those who know me even casually that I'm obsessed with Ghostbusters, skulls, vodka, and Canada. So when Dan Aykroyd was in town to promote his vodka (Crystal Head, the one that's sold in a skull shaped bottle), you'd best damn well believe I was going to meet him come hell or high water. I'd

Because of that footnote, all I can think of right now is Brian Regan's confusion on his first day of college when his new roommate wanted to "go halves on pie." "What are you, Jack Horner? You seem to really like pie."

There's definitely something special about a funeral home basement, isn't there? When giving my family and friends tours of the old Victorian home, I always saved the basement for last as the coup de gras. It consisted of half a dozen chambers with stone archways leading from room to room, and it was glorious. To the

That's definitely a sweet experience! I like to think that your son got the chance to bond a bit with a relative. Not all spirits are scary! #NotAllGhosts

I have a bunch of stories about suspected ghosts from the funeral home at which I used to work. I myself never got scared or weirded out since I never got any sense of hostility or unpleasantness, but maybe I'm just jaded. The funeral home was in a gorgeous old Victorian brownstone mansion in center city

my mom is always trying to convince me that I just had an upset stomach that day every time we go for brunch.....

The stainless steel appliance rage creeps me out because too much of it makes a kitchen look rather morgue-like. I'm not getting Porsche from this image so much as "place where autopsies occur." Mmmm, cozy.

-"May I please have water... NO! IN MY STAR CUP, PLEASE!!!!"

Totally doxxing myself here since I just spammed Twitter about this, but I'm unreasonably excited to learn about that Metallica lullaby album. I love it and want it to use as a soundtrack to both a horror movie I suddenly need to make and/or to play in the funeral home when I'm working late. It's the perfect blend of

Undrugged? Always a plus. But my mind immediately went to "unspilled." I dig this idea simply because I'm a klutz and figure this would be pretty awesome at keeping my drink from splashing over the sides of the glass. But then again, I'm 3 for 3 in managing to spill wine all over myself despite the fact it was

Meh, I'm one of those potentially overzealous eye-contact creepers, and yet I don't remember faces. But apparently I have the kind of face everyone recognizes/remembers, which means I deal with the "oh my god who is this person and how do they know my name" awkwardness ALL THE TIME.

Right there with you. I used to be a customer service rep in a call center; I couldn't run to the morgue fast enough after that experience.

You sound lucky enough to live in politer society than I do. I live in a tri-city metro area with about a dozen colleges and universities, so I end up wading through a LOT of drunken dudebros when I actually go out and socialize. Sadly, I don't make enough money to visit the nicer pubs with the (presumably)

I can throw some anecdata your way to flesh out your proof asterisks. Nine times out of ten when I'm in a social setting and a guy's chatting me up, his immediate reaction to learning I'm an embalmer is something along the lines of, "So be honest, if, like, a hot guy dies. . . " My friends can (sadly) attest to this.

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Your story has sent me down the rabbit hole of watching old MacKenzie brother clips.

Seriously. I saw that lede and immediately knew this wasn't the work of someone with endometriosis.

"Pfft, you have to study that? Lie down, human, I'll show you exactly how it's done."