Hearted. I had the same reaction to the article, but you expressed it far more eloquently than I did.

"...how does religiosity correlate with test scores, graduation statistics, and advanced degrees? How about gender equality and reproductive rights?"

Huh. The moment I saw the headline I thought, "Hey, that sounds like something that would happen around here." Then I clicked on the Huffpo link and saw how very right I was. Allentown: come for the gang warfare and gasline explosions, stay for the cemetery sinkholes and the baby jewelry thieves.

Ha! Alas, while a wannabe member of the Order of the Good Death, I'm not Caitlin. But that is usually the expression I'm wearing when caught on candid camera.

Yes, I actually started buying lipstick and blush this year. But that's because my lips and cheeks are pale and washed out and I'm now working in a job in which I actually interact with the public and need to look put-together. The fact that I work in a funeral home and I realized the bodies looked a little more…

YES! I have an unholy obsession with plague doctors. So much love. I'm a mortuary student working part-time at a funeral home, and I'm trying to convince my boss that we need to bring back the beaked masks for when we have . . . aromatic . . . bodies in our care. Screw modern PPE. The plague docs had style.

Conan made them put them on, and even with the name tags he couldn't tell them apart. It was definitely one of the most unintentionally creepy interviews he's ever done.

I would ask you if your uncle was my dad, but as I've got no cousins on that side of the family, my real question would be where has my dad's siblings been hiding their children all these years? Horrifying to think there's more than one person out there with a penchant for using knives and cruelty (repeatedly!)…

Ha! Another "confident and friendly introvert" chiming in. Gotta say, honestly is the best route as far as communication goes. Honesty and education. Luckily, all of my friends and my family completely understand my need for massively huge amounts of alone time. It helps that I'm ridiculously blunt with them and…

Probably because hanging a penis from a riding mower usually doesn't end well. I'd imagine (though I don't really want to) that having a penis charm dangling next to the label image of a riding mower next to an open flame would be rather cringe-inducing. Even with my nicely tucked-away lady bits, I'm going to walk…

Every time I walk into an auto dealer or the like, I wish that "New Tire" was a candle scent. I friggin love the smell of new tires. My hopes have been raised with this bizarre "man candle" ploy. C'mon, Yankee Candle, get on it!

All of the spiky fun shoes I see relentlessly mock my habit of sitting with one foot tucked beneath me. And since it's an unconscious habit, I don't dare to even attempt wearing shoes like that. I will live vicariously through you.

Ha, my bitch-face must be so refined that I don't ever get the "smile" command. I've gotten scary good at emitting "don't you dare try to strike up a conversation" vibes over the years. And even as a child I walked with a crazy-intense sense of purpose (my friends are amused by the fact I look like I'm "on a…

First sentence: "A new revamped version of the iconic Tomb Raider aims to explain how Lara became the scantily clad badass fighter teenage boys rubbed one out to in 1997"

Bugger. That blog entry's from March 2011, and Forever 21 and Zappos are both lacking in strappy combat lovin'. I suppose I'll have to content myself with my other strappy buckley combat boots. I'm just a hopeless sucker when it comes to post-apocalyptic footwear.

I need those boots so bad it hurts. Pray tell, where is this image from?

I'm thrilled to know I'm not the only one who wears over-the-knee boots primarily to channel her inner-assassin.

It's a reference to the customs in some fundamentalist Islam communities in which women are not allowed look at/speak with men who are not their husband or relative. Just a tongue in cheek snark on the fact Miley hung out with someone who wasn't Liam even became a news bit in the first place.

Oh, but being pasty white DOES cause skin cancer! Despite obsessive sunscreen usage/avoiding tanning products my whole life, I've had 3 melanomas removed. . .and all 3 of them were from the palest areas on my back which had never been exposed to sunlight. But I'm pale enough to glow underwater, so the melanoma might…

This reminds me of the time my mom went to the doctor because she thought she had bubonic plague.