Eating a slice of cold pizza is the best way to pass the time while you heat up a slice of pizza.

“Fuck yeah. This walk is awesome. Gettin exercise. Hangin with my best bud, Human. We’re just loving the outd..........nope I’m done. Right here is good.”

Not bad for the head of a non-profit!

Who is the person pictured in your GQ writers profile? That is not you. We have all seen you - you were on TV (sort of). Do they have some sort of GQ animation filter they put your picture through to increase the handsomeness to bare minimum GQ standards? Did you get to request the style of handsomeness they added…

Tosh did 3 of these. He may have been paid in quesadillas. Also I think Taco Bell beats Chipotle in terms of most vomited primarily because Taco Bell is more cost-effective. By A LOT.

Hey Dan - if last week’s dried queso dip is still in your sink, you’re in no position to tell anyone what’s disgusting and what isn’t.

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I’ll go back and read the article, but first: That picture, dude. Jesus tap-dancin’ Christ.

Kim Kardashian has a long history of USC Running Backs in her bedroom

When I was playing football in high school I had to take a shit during a game. I played fullback and we ran a dive play on 1st and goal. I proceeded to score, drop the ball, and run directly into the locker room. We were playing at a stadium built about 10,000 years ago with stalls the size of a shoebox. I didn’t have…

Can confirm as my team’s goalie in high school, that there is no fast solution to taking off the gear if you need to take a shit.

I can recall one time when I was a sophomore in high school, we were stupid and ate Chipotle burritos on the bus ride to our game. Chicken, corn, hot salsa, sour cream, cheese, lettuce FTW.…

Great signing by the Jets.. And there goes my hope of a home state reunion signing for the Minnesota Wild this summer.

Maybe I’m fucking nuts, but... but... Colleen Dominguez still looks great.

Peak Manning ball-washing last night was when one Seems or Nantz said how Manning had to suffer through learning the Kubiak offensive system.

So here’s a sincere question: How do people who have just lost the Super Bowl usually behave? Because, if my memory serves, they usually act glum, answer questions curtly, and (often) cut the interview off after a few questions. But maybe my memory is faulty?