Welcome. He won me over by being really, really good at his chosen profession.

And laughter. It has lots of laughter!!

I mean, okay, it’s tacky and a little ugly... but it’s better than anything I could ever knit. That shit has heart.

You are a wise soul and you speak truth to Shower.

This assumes that I’m taking showers solely to get clean. Showers are great! Baths are great! Hot water and singing along to my favorite Whitney Houston jams and occasionally even drinking a beer—GREAT!

from A Guy. You probably know someone who knows someone who has A Guy. Heck, your weed guy probably knows A Guy too. Those Guys are everywhere.

“an LSD-like drug” called Aquarust

I once knew a homeopath who tried to commit suicide. He took an underdose.

It seems no matter what vehicle she attempts to use she’s doomed to be pedestrian.

You know, a weird thought just occurred to me: maybe, and hear me out on this one, but maybe they take high school football too seriously in Texas.

I do too! someone told me once that I look like her and a few people went ‘ooooh :(‘

Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest babies who’ve ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation passing gas, waiting for naps; slaves with white diapers. Mommy has us chasing toys and laser pointers, eating pablum we hate so we can make shit for our…

Is this fake baby in a car seat? ..... but ...... why?!?!?!

As a married male in a dry spell of Greek tragedy proportions, bless your smutty heart. (Meant in the best possible way!)

So yelling across the apartment, “Husband, come sex me!” is a no go?

Also, if you are a woman, laying spread eagle on the couch while diddling yourself is not a bad strategy.

Hot dam just like me. I crank it every morning before getting out of the bed.