Well of course he jerks off on the subway. Self control and good judgment are not his strong suits.

It’s all been leading to this?!? You guys have been playing the long game and here’s the payoff. This is beautiful.

FINE WHATEVER. I DIDN’T REALIZE IT WAS THREE DIFFERENT CAKE FLAVORS BECAUSE THAT’S TOO MUCH AWFULNESS FOR MY BRAIN TO COMPREHEND.

“Your parents hated other people more than they loved you. Now go play!” So fucked up.

Religion.

I find this shocking, as I was certain Ted Cruz was a russet potato born of potato parents.

The thing that is worse about CNN is that they have no clue that they are garbage. The people at Fox very much know what they’re doing and who they are skewed towards. CNN still thinks they really are fair and balanced.

CNN is almost as bad as Fox News these days. Over Thanksgiving, my dad and I got into a debate about the leaning of CNN. I said CNN leaned right and he said it was “total liberal garbage.”

I’m 48 and a lifelong Patriots fan. Having watched 2-14 seasons, the 86 Super Bowl humiliation, and the holy shit god awful 1-15 Rod Rust year, I’ll happily take sketchy, brilliant, and successful. I’d wager the rest of you would too.

Definitely nazi best idea.

To steal from The Onion’s TV show, she’ll be tried as a black man.

Wow! You can’t even see her pull cord!

So at first I just read “Tragedy Strikes Elisabeth Hasselbeck” and my immediate, knee-jerk reaction makes me think I’m probably going to hell.

So good....

Just in case you happen to have some nice fava beans and Chianti one day, you mean? I’M ON TO YOU.

“How do you get from a blind date to one less kidney?”

The liver is different. That sucker regenerates!

Turdface McDickpunch

Hmm... would I take on a speech impediment for improved abilities to give oral?

I loved that book, it really helped us. That tv shows sounds super annoying. Like....Eat Pray Love but with infinity scarves and uggs. Like... no. If I’m watching a show about clutter I am going balls deep and watching Hoarders.