They’re not touch down goals, they’re touch down goal-in-ones.

I hated the taste of communion wafers, but my father was a strict Catholic and insisted I take communion every single Sunday.

“Someone on the internet invented a toolcalled Paint With Donald Trump.”

This is the single best thing this site has ever done. Ever.

Ugh. What on earth could be worse than looking like Ed Sheeran, and having to look at yourself looking like Ed Fucking Sheeran?

Everything about him makes me so happy all the time.

Finally.

On the one hand, human turd obviously fits.

That dress isn’t doing her any favors, either.

Taken in the best way possible!

Well. He certainly has a type.

I’ve found that”hey, wanna throw a load in me?” works every time.

It was so awkward. The bed was up against the wall, so in order to get out I had to reach my free leg (my right leg) and my right arm over his body, and then push myself up from the mattress to get my left leg out. I’m not a small woman, and my breasts? Pendulous.

Oh my gosh. I am so sorry.

To be honest, this is the part I’m most fascinated by

I would worry that the dog’s penis ashes would get all up in my vagina ashes.

“The summer before I turned 13 my boobs came in and my uncle died.”

My father was diabetic. He was blind, on dialysis, and had both legs amputated; one above the knee, one below. He was a large man, so moving him was difficult. Hospice care had begun, so we knew he didn’t have much time left. My siblings and I moved back home to help my mother care for him in between the nurse’s…

“but we do know that he brought the Benga into the country as part of a “native” exhibition at the 1904 Saint Louis World’s fair.”

RIP, Friggie.