Tracy, you should maybe go back and reread the article you wrote about being more empathetic. What was that, two, three long days ago?

Yeah. This article is shit, and these sites are turning to shit.

Tracy, great article! (And great illustration)

You pad the corners. Throw a towel or a blanket up there, the thicker the better. The softness of the fabric works REALLY well with the hardness of the corner underneath.

No, totally. The edge of a desk. This is how I learned to masturbate! When I was about 8 or 9, I would lift myself onto the (hip-high) dresser at the end of my bed and flip myself onto the bed.

Apparently they’re not really built to withstand force like that from the other end.

Pro tip: don’t insert say, a $100 vibrator and back it up to the wall.

Are you implying that too many rainbow outfits is a thing that exists?

“As a non-violent offense low on the scale, breaking the law against “introducing prison contraband” is a non-violent offense low on the scale.”

I read the headline, then looked at the picture and thought he was holding his severed penis in a cup.

“Just put it in your mouth and you will understand.”

I have to take this on faith. I can’t remember if it actually made me horny, but I can say it definitely makes me pregnant.

This kind of blows my mind. I won’t get out of bed in the morning until I’ve rubbed one out. Fuck breakfast; an orgasm is the most important part of my day.

Rachel Dolezal should be discounted out of hand. Crazy people say crazy shit all day long, and it ain’t news.

Sharks don’t swim in my kitchen. I don’t swim in theirs.

So, but... why does eating an 8oz candy bar make me gain 2 pounds?

What’s a Florida nam?

It’s impossible to get a Taco Bell order wrong, everything is made with the same ingredients. So you ordered a gordita and they gave you a crunch wrap? Turn it upside down.

I had a cat once who killed a bird and left it on my pillow.

Super Mario? More like Super Awesome Fantastic Amazing Best Mario!