No joke here... just wanted to say this is the funniest thing you've put up in a while. I basically got fired because of "You can walk Saige with it."

Fantastic. The best thing my son ever wrote down on a list (he was six at the time) was "David Ortiz". Thankfully, he meant the jersey.

Last night, I showed the anchovy where he belongs - on my salad.

Perhaps, and I'm going out on a limb here, the MPAA just objects to the idea of Shia LeBeouf having sex.

Look, a holiday special to fix your loose dentures! At least the NY News knows the proper baseball demographic...

Story time: I worked at a shop where we placed phone orders from the same vendors every day. One of our guys started crushing hard on the woman on the other end of the phone. He would get all flustered and blushy when he had to make the call...it was kinda cute, really. He finally took the bold step of asking her…

As a Sox fan I don't have anything negative to say about Ellsbury as he leaves. Once Boras got hold of him, he was pretty a much a certainty he was gone. He's a great player when he's healthy, but given he averaged 111 games a year in his twenties it seems myopic to believe he's going to be healthier in his thirties.

See the grandeur of our greatest generation in action.

Haha I love how this says "Sorry, Sox!" Seriously most people are glad to see him go considering the last Sox 30 year old "speed" outfielder worked out SO well. This is a perfect landing spot for Jacoby. He might actually play two full seasons in New York too! Wait until he's out 6 months with a hang nail.

It seems the prevailing thought in Boston is that Ellsbury isn't worth that money for that many years. As a Sox fan, this shows that Luccino and co. learned their lesson from the Crawford and AGon mess.

Meh. Native Americans have been selling out to New York for centuries.

If he had missed it would've been a tough Rim Jobby.

I didn't either. It seemed all but certain that he'd be gone after the season. I think it's just the "Yankees" part that irked some people.

Well, his mother is full-blooded Navajo. So he's at least half-trader, right?

I honestly don't get how jezebel editors can hate on John Mayer so hard on this site (he's an ass and I actually do not like anything about him) but be all "R. Kelly!!! Ode to pussy, Wooooo!" Yesterday??! Come on really jezebel? Let's put shit in perspective. Mayer is just a douche bag but he isn't a god damned…

I concur.

You really nailed it with your description about John Mayer. Every time I see an acoustic guitar, I get angry flashbacks to college of some douchebag playing his guitar on the quad, or at a party ("I just happened to have this with me!") .

My earliest memory of artistic guitar guys:

How is anyone going to look at this picture and know that it's Katy (hork) Perry without any visible cleavage?