As cool as this —

What?! No hair-do or dong shots?!

Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!

It's weird that we fight about chili.

Whoa, thanks for the info...in all seriousness. Really.

Do you have any other questions?

Yeah...what the fuck? Pun intended.

I'm gonna assume that you conducted yourself in a more distinguished manner than myself or the unfortunate Glavine fan...!

Yeah, he should've (shoulda coulda woulda) bare-handed it...which would've required that he drop the hat (didn't wanna dirty it?), turn his hands around (palms out, fingers up) and make a "proper" fly ball catch. If he was afraid of hurting his hands and yet still wanted to catch the ball, he could've used said hat…

You're not alone, KP. No, no, no.

Which hurt the most?

I got yer back, KM.

Actually, he could moor his gift at the dock of the Yeah Jeets Center For Ants, Davis Island Gift Basket Factory & Satellite Campus.

"That's just what 50-80% the speed of light do" —

Ya sure about that brah?

"The Philly fans tend to know the game a little better...you know, the way the game is played."

He doesn't use tanning beds, no siree, no ma'am! That would be, um, racist!

Cowboy Joe Did NOT Like Papelbon's Sac Celebration —

Village you say?