I think the most important thing you want to convey is that you miss that sense of connection with her. It's easy for the lower desire partner to feel like all the higher desire partner wants is more sex, but sex is about so much more than just having an orgasm. Talk to her about the emotional connection that you feel…

Talk to her about it outside of the bedroom. Say something like, "How would you feel about swallowing after a blowjob? It turns me on so much to think of you doing that."

Man, that's a rough schedule to have to work with! Initiation is a very personal thing. Have the two of you had a discussion about initiation? Try asking her, "in what ways do you like me to initiate sex?" And answer that question yourself too. I know it might sound a little funny to think about in that way, but it's…

Hey there! This is a great question. I think it's different for everybody, but I'm a firm believer that sexual chemistry can be improved. It takes time to learn how to have sex with a new person, and figure out how the two of your bodies work together. If there are lots of other great things going for the two of you,…

Thanks Andy! Looking forward to addressing everyone's questions!

Sometimes I'll give my clients an assignment to spend 10-20 minutes just holding each other in bed. They usually laugh when they hear the instructions, but it has become a hands-down client favorite. Physical touch is a powerful thing!

Agreed! There are so many people that think being in a relationship means relinquishing the right to a relationship with your own body.

THANK YOU for saying this! Toughing it out during sex or agreeing to do something sexually that you really, truly don't want to do is a soul-deadening experience. This is something that comes up frequently with survivors of any kind of physical or sexual abuse, but it also surfaces with people who generally have a…

Agreed! There are so many people that think being in a relationship means relinquishing the right to a relationship with your own body.

I'm glad so many women are sharing stories of being the one desiring maintenance sex. The idea of maintenance sex becomes so much more interesting when we don't think of it simply as hetero women laying back and performing their wifely duties.

Yaaay so glad to see this covered here. I was excited to get to contribute to Maureen's piece!

I think that's a great idea! Doesn't sound lame to me at all.

No! The average woman can't! Only 20-30% can, and even then, it may be because indirect clitoral stimulation is involved. I also don't know where this doctor is getting his 5-7 minutes figure from either....

He also talks about varying your routine, like trying to use the other hand, different types of strokes, different levels of pressure, etc. My male clients (and actually females too) have found this to be very effective advice.

If you don't mind me asking, do you think the conditioning happened because you did it so frequently? Or were there other factors involved?

After I hosted a Lifehacker Ask an Expert Q&A, I was astonished by how many men emailed me afterwards wanting to discuss their inability to orgasm. Even as a sex therapist, I hadn't realized how common this was.

Oh Canada!

I'm pretty sure I learned about the clitoris from the pile of old Cosmo magazines I nabbed from the neighbor's recycling when I was a teen. Cosmo is a pretty awful way to learn about sex and pleasure (one of the Gawker family sites recently had a delightful smackdown of Cosmo sex advice) but I guess its better than…

I'm not saying we should teach specifics about how to pleasure people, but simply the idea that sex and our bodies can be pleasurable. And that exploration and curiosity are important.

What about the role of pleasure in sex? I know it's quite a reach given that we can't even educate about something as basic as condom usage, but goddamn would I be thrilled if we could teach our kids about pleasure. I'd probably be out of a job, but I'd be just fine with that.