Ellie, you are right about this and all things. I hate fake redheads. You know a girl with red hair is not a real redhead when she defines 99% of her personality on it. She will proclaim what a fucking firecracker she is with a mean streak, all because she poured a bottle of cheap drugstore dye on her pathetic scalp,…

Great article!

I like your scams. Here is one from my errant youth. Not me actually, but a friend from high school.

Oh wait, I have another horror story.

Picture it, Manhattan, early 90s. [I’m really doxxing myself but it was so long ago I’m not sure even my husband remembers at this point.] [Plus, I’m going to perpetuate a possibly offensive stereotype. But this is all true, and most New Yorkers will not find this fantastical.]

I just want sympathy points: my worst move happened LAST WEEK and I don’t even have any awful or hilarious anecdotes, it was just mundane gruelling stress of being given notice of eviction, frantically trying to find a new place in a horrific rental market (Dublin, Ireland), managing to land a place, and moving all…

I had to help move an entire house in less than 24 hours when I was in high school. My mom was in the Air Force at the time, but she was not the most responsible person financially. All I know is one day she told me we had to move, and that her friend Brad would be coming over to help us. My mom did the packing, Brad…

I’ve never used Uber or Lyft, can you block specific drivers so they won’t be able to pick you up again if you don’t like the way they drive or something?

This is work-related, so only “move-ish”, but here goes:

Who?

dear god. it’s not as if we never had generations of Bonne Bell lipbalms in various flavors of candy, desserts, and soda before this. Not sure why it’s so hard to understand.

My son went to school last week and completely forgot his diabetic kit. And he used the last of his insulin the nurse keeps at school for emergencies. So I had to run there directly from cardiac rehab, still in my workout clothes.

There was a hot tub... beneath the bed? These people just adored a soggy mattress. A mattress but make it soggy. What the fuck.

I wouldn't tell him, I would just go on the other date. Realtor is being rude and doesn't get to date you tonight. Enjoy your other date. Maybe you'll even get on better than you do with Realtor. 

This is one of the reasons why we are a Third World Banana Republic.

I suppose how I started my entire career? It wasn’t really shady, I was honest about it.

I’ve made this argument, Trump’s evil ineptitude is better than Pence’s more disciplined and focused evil. Since November, Trump has had no agenda, no legislative proposals or accomplishments, and inconsistent policy goals except for government shutdown and border walls. It’s a lame duck presidency two years in.

Nothing more quietly judgmental than, “ya’ll just let us know when you figure it out!”

this is 100% the correct take.

My fave Brigid story is some boy comes over to her and declares that he’s got plans to have sex with her. And Brigid’s like, “The fuck you are because a) married to Jesus and b) go suck a fart.” And your man still doesn’t get the message so Brigid does some nun magic and his eyes explode and that puts him right off…