I was thinking that ‘bootstraps’ would protect me from Poe’s Law. Please don’t make me start using ‘/s’ at the bottom of such posts- it just enables the already-behind-schedule sarcasm font industry.

As a former teacher: Good. Nobody like this deserves to be a teacher.

NOPE. Comparing a black person to an ape is racist as f*ck. Saying any comparison of a black person to an ape “made your day” is racist as f*ck.

If you refer to a black person as an “ape” there is no way in HELL you are not being racist. I’m sorry. This is not a case of “you misread my comment thooo.” It’s blatant racism.

My favorite theory i’ve heard so far: something about being elected president means you get taken into a room by the CIA/FBI/whatnot and shown Kennedy’s assassination from the other camera angles not made public. So. lol

BIDEN: Tell him on Tuesdays he has to spring for tacos for the former president. Say it’s tradition.

I’ll treat President Trump with the same respect the Republicans treated President Obama and their willingness to unify. How’s that for fair?

Happy Birthday, Baby Birdy! My son used to have a Cookie Monster toy that would randomly start talking in the middle of the night. COOOOOKIIIIIIE!

argh I’m late so no one will see this. I just want to say I love you guys. this week has been awful, and this is the only site I can bear to read, mostly because you all are fantastic. also my birthday was yesterday and I felt really weird celebrating while everyone was feeling so depressed (myself included). is…

I thought everyone was aware, 3 year olds are assholes. I don’t know why everyone talks about the terrible twos; if I ask a kid his age and he says 3 I GTFO.

My son was encouraging my daughter to spit on the floor. I was definitely making it clear that it wasn’t cool. My daughter also demands bandaids for fake, invisible wounds. I have never screamed like an utter fucking lunatic in my life the way I have since my kids got old enough to ignore me and do what the fuck they…

Anyone else a recovering alcoholic? I started outpatient treatment this past week. As of tomorrow, I’ll be a week sober. That doesn’t sound like a lot, but it’s a big deal for me. How long does it take for this to get easier? Like... what do sober people even *do* for fun? The only ways I ever knew to go out and have…

Anyone else allergic to nutella? Or tree nuts and peanuts as well?

Directly he’d have to pay whatever damages were awarded. Indirectly it could be used as justification for impeachment (“high crimes and misdemeanors” is deliberately vague). I don’t think there’s any chance the trial will be over before the electoral college votes but it could encourage faithless electors.

We bought our tickets to fly home to NC for Christmas before the election. Now I’m hearing very frightening reports of hate crimes from friends back home. And then there’s this.

You just articulated everything in my head that I’ve been unable to put into words.

A small sliver of good news from NC is that our governer Asshat McCrory was beat out by Cooper. And our NC supreme court now has a dem majority thanks to the win of Democrat Mike Morgan.

Same in Florida. Fuck everyone of them and their ‘protest vote’.

The margin of victory for Trump in Michigan and Wisconsin was less than the total of Jill Stein voters in both sates. If those precious little babies had simply voted strategically the “meaning” we are all about to start deriving from this shit-show would have been radically different.

To the 55M who thought Trump was a good idea...