I can't believe I'm saying this, but dude, take it to Jezebel.

I'm a woman, I'm giving it a pass.

Oh for fuck's sake, you're getting high horsey on Deadspin about a press conference.

I remember "Don't tase me bro." Still laughed.

You say moron, Elisa Jordana says comic genius she won't sleep with.

Get another therapist, wth.

You will not get any work done from home with a child, you will still have to have help. Or give up your work.

Why did you marry someone who wants kids if you don't?

If you can afford couture, you're not going to the market.

Upside, this is a line no one cares about. Downside, they just got the attention they were seeking.

Yeah, I know what all of those words mean, I don't drop them in a text message.

Well played Taylor Swift. I can't believe the cat was howling and on top of her head though.

Praying the internet shaming caught up with this asshole.

Gagging at the idea of ketchup on scallops.

Scrambled eggs are literally the only thing I can cook, but I make the best scrambled eggs on the planet.

I make my own or buy this stuff called Sir Kensingtons. It's the best.

Actually a grilled peach and a dab of good blue cheese on a burger is pretty right on.

I don't understand how anyone could look at the pictures of that kid's injuries and explain it away.

That kid looked liked he'd seen some shit before. Poor guy.

Doubt it's just one person.