It’s called Saw.

He’s invited to suck my ass. And not in the good way.

"So, I'm in the middle of a comedic wrestling show" is the best way to start a story, ever.

My entire family is conservative, and they thought Palin was God's gift to America, istg. My favorite political conversation I ever had with them went, "What don't you like about Sarah Palin?" "She spent a shit ton of money on a program to shoot wolves from helicopters instead of putting it toward something that…

I wish I had the dedication required to go to a public computer somewhere every day and Catfish the shit out of these trash bags.

I don't expect most strange men to respect my right to life at this point, so thanks for driving that point home. Shitbird.

I'm also (re)watching Buffy right now! I'm at the end of season 2. [internet fist bump]

Many of these creeps were familiar to me for years through the wizard rock community, and some of my dear friends were victims of their manipulation and abusive treatment. I'm glad they're finally being called out for what they are and that they can't continue to turn a profit from the community and the fans they…

Same. I have mild emetophobia and I have memorized every v*mit scene in every show/film that I love so I can mute it and cover my eyes at the appropriate moment, and even then I sill feel queasy just knowing it's happening. I might need a Xanax with my popcorn if I see this. [fist bump of solidarity]

My dreams of many amazing POC/female actors leading on True Detective are rapidly dwindling. I'm just going to watch Luther seven hundred times in a row and pretend that Idris Elba is in every detective show AS HE SHOULD BE. [angrily eats caramel corn]

I want to attend a reading of James Franco's poems in a tiny, hipster cafe and sip an $8 artisan latte as a beret-clad James recites his poems over the sound of Shia LeBeouf playing the digeridoo and John Mayer doing beat poetry bongo riffs.

I'm so excited to get weird on some white zinfandel and read the shit out of James Franco's "poetry" tonight. I hope all of his poems are just James roleplaying as someone who wishes they fucked him. I hope he releases it in a leather-bound anthology with gold edging on each page, and each cluster of poems…

I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE THAT WAS POSSIBLE. MY VAGINA JUST TRIED TO RECEDE INTO MY BODY IN HORROR. I AM SO SORRY

"Sensual Baba Yaga" is my style aspiration. I may never reach it, but by god, I'm gonna try.

I just turned 24 this week, and I'm equal parts sad and grateful that I don't have any mortifying poop stories to share yet. However, as read every single comment thread thus far on this post, I ended up laughing/crying so hard that I peed myself.

I have occasionally peed myself a little while laughing, usually in…

Oh my god, the ending.

This post is like all of my greatest public accident fears come to life. I am so sorry.