When I was in 9th grade, I met a girl at a church dance that I was obsessed with and then spent the next two weeks calling her every single day. I took her to an Avril Lavigne and Simple Plan concert where I tried and failed to even hold her hand. She started dating someone the next day. That afternoon I called into…

Oh man I love the V&A, and this exhibit looks so cool!

If you think that’s bad, try working in an IT call center sometimes, people will scream at you because they don’t understand how things work.

I imagine she once dealt with a surly employee at McDonald’s in London, who, when asked “Are cheeseburgers vegetarian?” just said “Yes,” because he or she just couldn’t care less—and this girl just never questioned that sarcastic response not even once.

CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

I work in a national park, and I get asked on a daily basis if the postcards/magnets/prints of the park with snow are photoshopped.

That mocha story reminds me of my first vacation as a Starbucks employee. I was on my way back home when I stopped into a store to grab some coffee for the trip. As I’m walking out of the store, I hear a lady absolutely lose it at the barista at the espresso machine:

She proceeds to explain to him that only a hamburger contains meat, and that a cheeseburger is vegetarian. She says she knows this because she has been to McDonald’s in London literally *hundreds* of times in the last few years, and that a cheeseburger is always vegetarian when she orders one!

“What’s homo milk? Is this milk from GAY COWS?!” he demands, utterly* seriously, even angrily.

“SHE POURED POISON IN MY DRINK! I SAW HER DO IT! I CAN TASTE THE POISON!”

The Reuben one reminded me of a story Terry Pratchett told. He said that one jet-lagged evening he accidently asked for Three Mile Island dressing for his salad. The waitress didn’t say a word, just brought him Thousand Island dressing and a bottle of hot sauce.

Noelle is a genius. I would have never figured out that the guy was freaking out over the sharpie smell.

I just know that at some point before I die I'm going to see a package of hamburger with a warning label "Contains meat." and it's going to be because of one of these idiots.

I worked in the mountains for a while. A number of our summer season customers asked if the patches of white stuff on the higher parts of the mountains was sand.

Yup. I’m about to tell a story that is probably stupid to tell given that I could get shit-canned in one hot second if my boss were to ever find out I wrote about it, but here goes: I’m now in corporate America after working for 16 years in law firm world which, if people don’t know, are notoriously stuck in the dark…

I have been asked exactly six times, during different interviews at different companies, how I plan to balance my work life with children. My husband has been asked exactly zero times. My point is even if you have an egalitarian parenting role, it is still assumed by corporate America that the woman will be the one to…

Actually, we need to separate “work-life balance” from parenthood, or motherhood, so that it applies to everyone. Nobody should be working 60 hours every week, regardless of parental status. We need to make it clear that parents aren’t asking for special treatment when they want to leave the office at 5. Everyone…