Disclaimer: I am not making the claim that buying physical vs. digital is the end-all, be-all solution to this issue.

Ok, fine, here’s your two nickels. 

It is kinda what it says on the tin. You press the X button to increment a counter, while a static image of a snake sits dead center on your screen and (what I’m assuming is) fair use music plays. That’s it, that’s the entire game. It comes with a boatload of trophies though, including a platinum, all of which can be…

You heard me. I’m not googling it at work to provide a link but it’s an actual “game” on the their store.

Here’s my pitch: it’s an on-rails light gun game, but your objective (like the title) is to talk the criminals down & get them to surrender BEFORE your trigger-happy mom blows them away. You select things to say to hopefully pacify the perp by using your crosshairs and “shoot down” their attempts to escalate the…

Suddenly the couple of bucks I dropped on “Stroke the Snake” on the playstation store don’t feel quite as foolish...nah, it was still pretty dumb.

100% historically accurate.

I’ll raise you a lolomgwtfbbq.

Pascal and Ramsey put their entire The Last of Ussy into that scene.

In the early 2000's I owned a lime-green VW New Beetle that had cruise control and a sunroof. I worked a third-shift job whose commute had me driving on a 4-lane highway with lots of long straight segments. Can you guess what dumb young me did to amuse myself?

Welcome, new feature! Hope to read many more.

If I had to guess (and that’s all this is: speculation) I’d say it’s to boost engagement by drawing the viewer in with snippets of no-context action and quick gags right at the beginning, and also to pad the video’s runtime.

My dear drunk horse, if you’re hungry you can just eat your keyboard - you don’t need an excuse.

“I’m keeping you alive here,” he says, as he jokes the consciousness out of her.

I wanted to say thank you for bringing this game to my attention at the best possible time. I had a copy ready on my switch for a hangout on Saturday, and then Sunday morning my wife and son had an absolute blast with it as well. At $5 this is worth every penny.

Too bad!

I don’t think that’s it. There’s got to be some Other Metroid game we’re missing...but baby, I just can’t think of it.

Somewhere, the Kotaku Censor Fish sheds a single tear and listens to “Alone Again, Naturally” on repeat.

Who knew that creating tens (or hundreds) of thousands of plastic figurines devoted to every person, place or thing that has ever existed or been imagined would eventually prove unsustainable?

Yes, but what is the spaghetti policy in the shower?