The first time I read this headline I thought it meant she had *come out* and it almost ruined my Pride month

She plans to retire a ranch, where she can keep shoveling massive loads of horse shit.

I have a friend who used to manage a Starbucks in LA and she said Paula used to call at least twice a week trying to order Chinese food, so...

I had no idea she was this qualified to be President.

I will pay my life savings to hire Jonathan Frakes to go up to Biel, Timberlake and Kennedy to give a live performance of this: (prays that Frakes isn’t anti-vaxxer) 

I remember when my ex and I were still dating and living together. I worked a regular day job 8-5 and he worked weekends. He literally did SHIT all day, I mean nothing except get up at noon or later and fuck around until I got home then cook dinner (nothing fancy but he would cook dinner as long as I told him what to…

The trailer made me tear up, I can only imagine what the film’s going to do. He was such a bright star. Odd Thomas is one of my fave all time movies and it’s solely because of him. 

DJ Khaled doesn't like going down on anything, and that includes the Billboard charts. 

As a frequent consumer of BBC shows, this is one of my favorite jokes in the whole series.

What a beauty! You must be so excited!

Legiterally made me guffaw!

Yay! Congrats! So glad you get to be reunited either your pup! 

I'm so happy for you and your beautiful pup! 

Shelter Cat Update!

Noooo! My biggest regret was when I went to Universal Studios and did the tour, part of it actually went through the Good Place sets with all the pun-y business names, and I took a video on my iPhone...not realizing that I forgot to push the record button. Dunno if the set is even still up and if they’re gonna spend a…

“Why are these cowboys giving me funny pants feelings?”

This photo is taken right after two sentient slices of white bread slathered together with mayonnaise wished to be a real boy

I always refer to her wardrobe as Aunt Pittypat’s parlor fusnishings. I have long been of the belief her stylist hates her guts.