I had just boarded a train and was looking for a seat. The train started to move unexpectedly and I fell face first into a guys lap. I said “I might as well introduce myself”, and we got to talking about books. We dated for awhile and told the “how we met” story to evvvveeryone.

I was in a dive bar, pissed off.

I went to a bar called The Mermaid for Futurama trivia and our team name “Fish Part On Top, Lady Part On Bottom” won us a round of shots.

And, yes—bicycling was said to make women sexually aggressive. Part of that was the physicality of bike riding and the fact that the seat was making close contact with the pelvis.

I’m convinced he attacks his own reflection.

1/2 oz. Bullshit - runny, bleached white
8 oz. Horse piss - fermented for 70 years
12 drops Tanning spray
1/2 oz. Used KFC deep fryer fat

“Your Honor, let me speak to your manager.”

This is one of the more bizarre comments I've ever read lmao

Is it too much to hope that Miley starts dating Jonah Hill?

I gave this friend a “backstage pass” into my life, which means to me: I don’t clean up before you come over, I’m super open and honest, I share, I show up for you. I loaned her all my black tie clothes for events, got her set up with people that could help her, went for walks with her, listened to her troubles,…

Saving for future meme purposes.

So... they’re not waiting to receive the Eucharist?

like a dolls eyes....

can i sign up this walking neckbeard and corpse bride to be the first 2 people on the spacex mars mission

That image gave me my first real laugh of the weekend. Thank you, Internet Stranger.

So, Miller was obviously expecting to walk into a softball interview and did absolutely no prep.

LOL, that gif is any of my family members when I hit them with cold, hard facts about Trump & co and they know I’m right and they can’t argue with me.

I giddily look forward to the day that Dancing With the Stars declines his agent’s offer to appear as a contestant. I will make a big fucking unfrosted white cake, push two little chocolate chips into the spongey top, and pretend I am eating his stupid head.