Mad Max: Furry Road

If you have the rings Phil has, you can do whatever you want. Literally, anything. Can grab ‘em right in the posse.

Not when it comes to picking the Bears QB. In Chicago, football is an “air-it-out-cracy, baby!”

Of course Around the Horn’s ratings are dropping. In living rooms around the heartland I can hear “OH SO ESPN PUTS ON A SHOW WITH A BLACK GUY NAMED “BLACKIST-ONE BUT GOD FORBID THEY HAVE A WHITE GUY NAMED WHITEST-ONE INSTEAD OF THIS WOP REALI”

A bunch of clueless, sloppy Irishmen got us into this mess, and I’ll be damned if they can’t get us out, too.

See normally I would have just ignored this. Today I am going to bless you and bring you out of the grays. Feels good. Cathartic.

James Harden is an unbelievable OFFENSIVE player, but let’s not get carried away and bring MJ into this as an analogy for an all-around basketball player because Harden is an absolute liability on that end of the floor.

Do something nice for someone else for no reason. Be extra kind to strangers, even though you don’t feel like it. This helped me.

I second the potential Votto to Red Sox move. Even if they don’t think they can get five great years, they are going to want to make a splash after watching Epstein and Francona in an incredible World Series.

Is there a fanbase in the world that anyone who isn’t part of said fanbase is like “yeah, those are decent folks. Good people there.” I feel like I see multiple comments like this on every Cubs article, it’s like you are all part of some misanthrope hive-mind.

Somebody (and I don’t really want or think it will be the Cubs) will still pay an astronomical amount to get him.

I was trying to smash that Reply button to scream “LACKEY, LACKEY!” into the abyss.

Counterpoint: This show is nothing like regular ass sitcoms. And I will take “weird for weird’s sake” if it means I get to watch commercial parodies for Arizona Tea where the catchphrase for the product is “The price is on the can, doh?”

At least he takes a break from putting gross things in his mouth during games. What’s that you say? He chews a combination of bubble gum, chewing tobacco, and sunflower seeds for hours on end in the dugout?

In that trash can pic, I am pretty sure blue dress girl is getting a good glimpse of that guy’s Australian penal colony ifyaknowwhatimean

Yeah, FUCKIN NERDS! I’ll be over here with the cool kids, discussing WRs that retired two decades ago from a team that was absolute hot trash and won zero meaningful games in a sports league that, in your analogy, is universally reviled.

I’m actually relieved. If they won, then I wouldn’t be able to lord my fandom over you as so much better than your fandom because of how much my team sucks, so, whew.

Holy shit is that an Arrelious Benn sighting?

If the Cubs are used to one thing, it’s waiting.

Heyward, unfortunately, is still medically clear to play tomorrow.