Barney made 11 consecutive dog days before he got too old to climb the stairs last year.

My dog is one lazy bastard. But he is also good.

Jim Tomsula?

I can shit into a bag, drunk or not. Never done it, but I’m confident in my abilities. I’m not going to run home and try it out or anything, but alls I’m saying is, you need a bag filled with some shit, I can do it for you. Ziploc, target bag, one of those gift bags specifically for wine bottles, I’ll hit the bottom…

“including replays of EPIC TACKLES”

Maybe I am Superman a relatively good cook with a bad polo shirt.

Ballsy.

I’m a panthers fan and like Cam but come on man. You can’t see why people don’t like him? Carolina is not a national team and people just see highlights of him showboating and celebrating every first down he makes cut between commercials of him plugging Beats headphones (too bad dey don’t make bandaids fa ‘hurt…

Top 8 reasons white, middle-aged Panthers fans don’t like Cam Newton:

Yeah but we sober up and you are always a boring cunt, so...

I left Boston in ‘99. While I was there:

“Here is the headline of Chad Finn’s latest article: When a player makes the Patriots’ roster, it’s for one reason: He earned it.”

Oh yeah, well, your quarterback doesn’t have an ACL anymore.

I readily concede that Boston fans are awful (although to be fair, most fans are). But Deflategate is complete and utter horseshit that is wholly debunked by basic science. It’s like Roger Goodell bought an ice sculpture of himself to keep outside on his lawn, and the next morning came out and was horrified to find…

Compared to the other shitheads, we have a great owner. Paid for his own goddamn stadium, lifelong fan, always giving away tickets.

Why the fuck is Josh McDaniels a coach instead of a ball boy? He’s about as creative as a Melania Trump’s speechwriter.

Pretty sure the last letter writer is one couple’s fetish. They just follow him around and fuck. It’s like Crash, but instead of car accidents, it’s a middle-aged Floridian.

You had a question about a hike and you passed up a chance to put in a plug for your new book The Hike? (now on amazon and barnes and noble)

No, when you hear that name, you think of black clouds raining acid down onto a field of dead hobos.

One of my favorite jokes ever. An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all sitting at a bar, drinking pints of Guinness. A fly lands in each one. The Englishman fishes the fly out, flicks it away, and pushes his pint down the drain. The Scotsman fishes the fly out, flicks it away, and resumes drinking his…