You should see what the kicking heiress did.

We debated this one for a while trying to parse out Scherzer’s exact string of words, though some of them are pretty obvious. I think we’ve settled on “fucking bastard motherfucking bitch motherfucker” and now I can’t see it any other way.

It sickens me to see such a solemn holiday cheapened to sell - oh

details of how exactly he fell are not known

What ever happened to that delightful DougExeter fellow?

She would have been done a lot quicker if she hadn’t stopped to yell at the hammer thrower to get the hell off her yard.

Actually, God is real

I’m surprised she was even able to get pregnant since athletic competition by women is known to cause wandering uterus.

Hernandez learned everything he knew about the Bible from Tim Tebow, which explains why his understanding of it was incomplete.

Not only is Pillar a great defender, he does a whole lot of charity work in Toronto. The dude gives back in so many ways: donations, volunteering his time, and leading various initiatives. I guess you could call him an important guy of the community.

Drugs can be a difficult habit to kick so we understand why he hasn’t sought your advice.

You can’t blame him for being unfamiliar with calculators. After all, he has to type in 58008 for it to say “BOOBS”.

Fernandez: [cranks boat to full speed]
Fernandez: [sees two small rocks ahead]
Fernandez: [strikes one]
Fernandez: [strikes two]
Fernandez: [approaches jetty] 

This is shitty news. Of course, as an athlete, it could have been worse. At least it didn’t metastasize to the locker room.

Because he strung some words together that could maybe kinda be construed as a joke, but mostly just seems like a stupid insult of a sports team, Matheny is being sued for impersonation by the Deadspin comments.

I thought I was the only one ever banned from a gym for leaving a little #2 on the court.

Hey, I know people keep calling this guy Elite, but he gets into all sorts of trouble when he gets out of the pocket.

The pre-game golf exhibition was ill-advised in retrospect.

WHO WANTS TO FEDEX MOTUMBO