Billy, if you want to die because of something a Brazilian soccer player did you should just officiate a Brazilian soccer match.

Samer, it looks like you went to a lot of work in getting to the bottom of this bee stuff. It must have been tough, doing all the digging and labor to figure this out. Was there ever a moment where you sat back and said to the editors: “I’ll never be your bee stuff burden?”

I guess there are stranger ways to announce that your teen daughter is pregnant.

I thought they just went to penalty kicks.

Wow. I bet when Doug gets sick next, he goes to a better hospital.

I don’t think suspending the match will do much to stop the fire it started.

With only one loser out of 32, it's easy to see why Washington hired her.

My nephew is always saying annoying shit like “my brain cancer is untreatable, you lousy uncle” and “plug that back in”.

The Blackhawks wouldn’t be so good if the other goalies would just make a few Soews.

Burmistrov: [pipes down]
J.R. Smith: [wonders how it’s come to this]

Thanks. It’s this kind of positive feedback that keeps me doing this.

Not sure why the surgery was necessary. He looked pretty stable lying motionless on the field.

It’s appropriate that he’s a Cardinal because his head now leans the right way.

This is the goddamn stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. +1

Idiot. It’s too early in the proceedings for a motion to strike.

If Joe ever read the One True Cardinals’ Book, he'd know that the league leader in saves is Jesus.

Yeah, you often get caught trying to stretch a double into a triple.

You goddamn idiot. +1

Abdulaziz al-Omari: “No, seriously, where did you get the idea?”
Mohamed Atta: “A little birdie told me.”