+1

Wow. I knew sports were dangerous, but I didn't realize car racing was.

It's actually just a funny made-up name. We Canadians have a word for the concept, but you wouldn't understand it.

[INT. - An Oakland hospital room, March 1985]

Expectant Yankees Fan Father: [reads this story]
Expectant Yankees Fan Father: "Even I think that's going a bit far."
Expectant Yankees Fan Mother: [water breaks]
Expectant Yankees Fan Father: [drives wife to hospital]
Expectant Yankees Fan Mother: [labors for thirty-two hours]
Expectant Yankees Fan Mother: [spikes a fever]
…

+1

Drew Magary: [walks the fuck right into the side of that car because some asshole won't get out of his way]

"Dude, she totally boned me!"
- that guy's lung, after being punctured

Sure was lucky that someone had crashed their car into the rink so we could get this on video.

I don't know, but whichever asshole took the water has made a powerful enema.

+1

Of course it was a scoreless tie. Thanks to Wright and Parnell's policing of the Mets' diets, nobody on the team will get the runs.

I came here to chew gum and explain jokes, and I have a fucking truckload of gum.

Gabby Schilling: [gets bailed out by someone else]
Curt Schilling: [tears welling in his eyes] "A chip off the old block..."

"If there's a Jacques Demers joke I haven't read and enjoyed, it's because I'm Jacques Demers."
-Jacques Demers

This is just like when Dion Phaneuf's kid asked the Leafs to trade Joffrey Lupul.

I snickered.

it's clearly not a banner deadline day.

I would have expected him to be wearing a Red Sox cap, what with everyone getting B-headed.