As a final "fuck you" to the NBA, Sterling plans on dying tomorrow.

The NBA's Player Sales List (Sterling, D.)

But the fact remains: many people have gone on from being members of the Rangers organization and had successful MLB careers.

And here I thought nothing good ever comes out of jersey.

keep me posted

[long sigh]

Seriously though, I enjoy how in your world, me making a stupid joke is a heinous crime, while you encouraging me to kill myself is OK.

Actually, your response has brought me great joy, and my life is pretty great already. Thanks.

I've explained this elsewhere, but no. I structured this joke so that the first few sentences make the reader think that I am speaking about Lueke's rape. The last sentence changes the tone entirely, and (for the reader good enough to make it that far) makes you realize that the whole time I was actually talking…

I think there's one big thing you're missing, here.

Well, sure, but that's not what I said.

There's only one of me.

Uh, actually Albert, that's technically "up to a couple grand."

Look, if there's one thing that I'll believe, it's that you have third-grade reading comprehension skills.

[pulls the gun away from your head] You're - you're right. I was wrong to make you read it. I'm sorry.

Is this supposed to be an insult?

You know, I just feel privileged that you took time away from telling golfers at the local course that they used the wrong club to come and talk to me about this.

At least you said something, though.

He was rushed into emergency surgery yesterday, reportedly in grave condition.

Columbus police later admitted, red-faced, that they'd accidentally swapped Roby's blood-alcohol numbers with Marc-Andre Fleury's save percentage.