If my wife is anything as an example, apparently ‘whipping it out’ just gave her a ‘how do I get rid of this asshole.....oh that will do.’ idea.

This dumb motherfucker paid Trump a million dollars to get put in the national spotlight, and a finger on the monkey paw slowly curled.

You seem genuine - whipping it out is not about actually trying to get laid, it’s about an act of sexual aggression and not so veiled threats. “Look at me ... I’m hard and ready to go. I could just pin you down and jam this into you and you would know who’s the boss you little bitch. I can do whatever I want, and…

Here's a four-letter-word and a three-letter-word: Fuck off

If you are ever short an idea for a column, you can always do a crossover with Torch on Jalopnik; what type of VW suits a shoulder chip. It pretty much writes itself.

Well, I'm sure week-long benders would make anyone exhausted and dehydrated, so the headlines weren't complete lies

Wow, Johnny Deep’s really doing his best to make sure anyone who might have missed the prior emails and memos know he’s an insufferable asshole.

White people don’t like to hear that the privilege that they enjoy has come at the expense of first the Native Americans who were nice enough to not let them starve when they got here. And those thieves did what all thieves do stole everything from the people nice enough to help them when they would have starved to…

I don’t even think he’s defending him but worse, treating it like some wannabe Salvador Dalí surrealist joke. You know, lots of “symbolism.” He doesn’t give a shit, his bubble’s so warped by now. 

“For the Love of a Glove: An Unauthorized Musical Fable About the Life of Michael Jackson, as told by his Glove”

Let me get this straight: A child rapist’s crime being caused by a glove from outer space and using puppet mock ups of his real, living victims that didn’t give permission for any of this is the moral version to this guy?

Yeah sure. See that field over there? The one marked by a skull and crossbones? Go and play golf over there!! Guaranteed ‘hole in one’ every time!

Goddamit, three points..

It comes out of a 100 gallon drum. “Asshole Sheen”.

He abandoned the Kurds and is on a war-crimes pardoning kick. Nobody gives a fuck what he has to say to any soldiers, anymore.

Ghani called Trump “the architect” of “wiping out Al Qaeda” in Afghanistan

The “hair” appears to be a different shade of pissy jaundice yellow today.

The Donald looks extra shiny and greasy today.

That pallid, sweaty photo of Trump is more repulsive than usual, and his “hair” seems to be showing its roots as the overpriced weave it is. That image is going to haunt me during Thanksgiving dinner, I know it.