A NHL player wuldnt leave time on the clock

football players made up “less than a third”

Or, and I’m just thinking out loud here...what if they spent some money to train their police officers to stop harassing people weren’t a threat to anyone? I know it’s a crazy concept, but I think it just might work.

Ray thinks there is at least one more way to measure one’s worth.

Nothing will top the trailer for the shitty Lifetime Brittany Murphy biopic.

Baseball is the only sport that actually looks like America.

Take care of the gumbo! Go to the Roux, Start Celery, Onions Garlic! Bouillon! (players: Bouillon!) *coach raises right arm* GREEN BELL PEPPERS! Medium-low heat, sausage, simmer ONE TWO THREE!

The failure to close Gitmo, reform immigration, and (adequately) reform health care all fall on the Republican Congress that obstructed him for 6 years, openly rooting for him to fail so they could win the next election. And, thanks to the Democrats’ timeless stupidity and total lack of understanding of an average…

“You have dealt with an unbelievable slanted and negative media and have come out beautifully” sounds 0% like something Bill Belichick would say, and 100% like something Donald Trump would say while reading a blank page he is pretending is a letter from Bill Belichick.

Kirk later claimed that the legs he’d so neatly cut out from under his own campaign during the debate had in fact been lost during his last tour in Afghanistan.

you go to a junior collenge

First they came for the sheriffs.

Did you just all lives matter me

Boy I bet you wish you’d asked a better question.

The first like four episodes are rough, but it gets much better the more it goes on.

Yes, we will continue to progress until we are advocating for full communism by 2017.

You’ve really cut to the core of this issue Barry. Today is the day to do something meaningful because damn it, we may not have tomorrow.

Great. Now I’m crying in a McDonald’s. And it's not for any of the usual reasons.