Which is why jokes always open with a punchline, and then proceed gradually to the setup.

I’m a righty, grew up playing baseball, and I’d catch it with my right hand. You don’t get much practice catching barehanded with your glove hand. That said, if I had to do something left-handed, catching a ball would be one of the most likely things to succeed at, behind only self-gratification and operating a turn…

Man, look at that horse’s ass up there, just flaunting what he’s got in front of God and everyone. Horses should wear pants, it’s really distracting.

big if true

This is really, really straining the boundaries of the word “adequate”.

As the entirety of my bitters collection consists of a bottle each of Angostura, Peychaud's and Fee Brothers orange, I'm moved almost to tears to learn that I've done at least one thing in my life adequately well.

Truly, nothing compares to the hot sting of being reminded that I've endured the lifetime of hardship that comes with being a white man in America. This is some good-ass kinja, cracker.

And with that, the concept of satire was rendered forever obsolete.

Man, here I was, all ready to pounce and defend my precious giant baby JJ against your baseless attacks. "ACTUALLY," I'd begin, before launching into a paragraphs-long missive about how you're deeply mistaken, and what do you even know about log cabins anyway, and stop being so mean, and just shut your stupid lying…

It is, without question, The Worst Book.

Doritos are hot garbage, and I assume their inclusion and continued advancement is either a deeply inappropriate joke or a clever mechanism for identifying and cataloging the morally bankrupt deviants who are voting for them.

Step One: Teach young men what a “vertical” is.

WHERE IS CAROL OF THE BELLS WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS EVEN.

This is very good, and very right, and thanks for writing it.

Man, this is a great list. Is this the greatest list? I think this may actually be the greatest list.

1. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

"Rim-side up, definitely."

Maybe try Brooklyn Lager? It's widely available, good for the style, and not so much of a departure from Miller/Bud as to throw you off.

This opinion is wrong and bad.

Careful, joking about a punter's axe wound is liable to start a whole thing with Kluwe.