Yup, these are my victims. 

Hot take: I would hire a conservative writer (if I was in the market for one) who actually said women who have abortions (and the doctors who perform them) should be jailed and/or given the death penalty.

Because that writer is actually being honest about the conservative point of view toward women and their…

William Daniels is 90 years old and probably gonna die eventually and all the obits are going to lead with Mr. Feeny instead of John Adams or KITT and I’m gonna spend a week being real mad

Character issues like this is why Chip Kelly traded LeSean McCoy.

Blaming Holder - A Dallas Cowboy Tradition Since January 6, 2007

It’s my FAVORITE! I also love when people tell my husband it’s so sad he works all day and then “has to” cook for me. Nevermind that he loves to cook and I clean up and we tackle our household as a team based on strengths not genitals. FUN.

Classic Bear: Don’t Mess with a Man (they leak blood too easily, and will sully your style)

Related: can we all agree that Plinko is by far the best Price is Right game?

Oh - I got this won.

No word yet whether the ham sandwich comes with a defibrillator

Kings Quest 2, Mario Golf 64, and Cyberball

Oh I like him.

I hear you. Why – seriously – why isn't there a Law & Order channel? I would watch that channel all the fucking time.

I can't handle days without a Law & Order marathon.

Dog goes woof, cat goes meow.

Those pulled pork cheese fries look great! Served with a defibrillator.

Considering many of these reporters have ear pieces that force them to listen to Chris Berman during segments, I'd say its already happening.