Mom jeans are never cute. It doesn’t matter how amazing your body is, you can’t wear them.

How bad is it that we both want to get bent over by a really hot serial killer?

He’s way more attractive with a beard, chest hair and as a creepy-ass serial killer. The only way I’ll watch these movies is if they do, indeed, become a prequel to the Fall and he accidentally strangles whatsername and discovers he likes killing more than sad kink.

Have you heard the one about the guy that didn’t know the difference between butt-lube and wood glue?

Just what the world needs... a dress that gets applied with a hot glue gun and some double-stick tape. I think this is about 8.2% more awkward than going topless.

The rest of us aren’t mature enough to handle that.

Guess it’s better than tooting out dog farts.

Why do we have to wash bath towels if we only use them when we’re clean????

I have never washed my pillows and I never will, fight me.

i refuse to believe this is real i will clean my pillowcases and that’s good enough

Good for them, babies are great. That photo, though....that’s pretty fucking awkward.

I was afraid of escalators as a child. In my defense I misheard it as “alligators” and became convinced that there was a small area that opened up to a pit of alligators to those unlucky few that got caught there.

She has the wrong skin color for a harsher sentence.

I blame the parenting. Who raises a psychopath and doesn’t tell them to not keep a journal?

Ahhh, but the feeling you get when you realize you didn’t raise a psychopath is truly amazing!

I’m good to be beamed into Bowie’s alternative timeline any time. He’s got Prince and Carrie Fisher and Alan Rickman over there.

In the Hillary universe, the nation makes a millimeter or two of progress every day - slow, relentless, difficult progress. It’s boring and hard work and it makes just about everyone’s life incrementally better each day. No one appreciates it.

I’m assuming Trump died of a heart attack halfway into his Nov 9th “concession” turned tirade.

This is a crazy time stream we’re in. I wonder what’s happening in the reality that has Hillary as POTUS.