Not surprised. Hearing things isn't exactly one of Goodell's strong suits.

The Vikings could always pull a switcharoo, which Adrian Peterson believes to be beating the hell out of a wallaby.

It just fucking sucks that this guy of all people is effectively punished with a short timeout.

He said "culpability". The NFL fucking hates that word.

It's hard to even imagine how many "inappropriate language" penalty yards Emmitt Smith would've racked up.

RT @Ravens The child deeply regrets his role in the incident.

Listen, last month you overhauled your entire comment system to prevent people from posting stomach-churning images of overweight whores shoveling a bunch of diarrhea into their mouths, and now you're doing it yourselves? Make up your mind!

I've got this one: when someone gets a hit.

Instead, he's decided to quit football and focus on soccer in hopes of maybe being the next Jozy Altidore.

Goodell - Questionable, Lower Body injury (burns)

He also appears to be a dog guy.

Also, it's good with the press.

Oh wow, does this mean they're going to sign LeBron now?

Baltimore: [cuts Rice]

That loud sound you hear isn't the sound of applause for this move , it's the sound of the Ravens' collective hamstrings snapping from all that backpedaling.

Personally, I'm all for Ray Rice playing this season. In fact, I think he should have his suspension lifted and that he be used as a feature back and an integral component of their offense.

You know the situation is seriously fucked up when it's getting me to like Adam Schefter

So now you've sued the only business that needs punters and slammed the only media that follows punters. You're a real fucking genius.