Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. So deep.

The Diet of Tape Worms

Does someone need help eating tape?!

“We don’t need to watch every tape” - Robert Kraft

That’s why Eli can’t be defeated by Belichick’s traditional methods. You can’t confuse the perpetually confused.

“Just switch to paste, like I did” - Eli Manning.

Glad he’s finally taking on BIG PENNY LOAFER

Nothing says “I’m a real man” like 18 paragraphs of whining under a picture of a bowl of mayonaise.

*Rex Ryans bursts in, wheezing*
Heard the...headline...need to...hear more.

there is serious reason to doubt Bassini’s ability to do so, given he has declared bankruptcy twice and that in 2013

The good news is that there are more cameras at an NBA game than there are at Trump Tower and Mar a Largo.

four to five inches seems incredibly generous

This is the only time I can recall seeing Deer on the field not strike out.

If someone was going to ruin Endgame, I’d have guessed Andy Reid.

Jennifer Aniston deserves better than this. Not a lot better, but slightly better. Like maybe she should be costarring with Matthew McConaughey in a mystery series on HBO.

Haile dubious.

You forgot to put in the most hilarious part of the story which is Farah's text to Haile where he signs off "Sir Mo". What a tool. 

You need 1st and 2nd or bases loaded. The infield fly is to protect the runners not the batter. So if there are 2 runners who have to go back to the base then there is no way to not get screwed with a drop.

Brackets you son of a [female dog].

“So you could say this is a textbook case of impermissible benefits.” [fumbles sunglasses while trying to put them on]