Does that make death graduation? I find that strangely comforting.

I’ve found exclusive footage of Donald’s departure:

All this talk about Burghers is making me forking hungry.

For those who are having a rough time, here’s a lil pick-me-up:

Missitmissitmissitmissit...

What’s the emotional labor equivalent of an a oven glove? I’m thinking it’s a kitten gif, but I’m not sure.

I can never find Sharpies when I need them, but always have pens coming out of my ass (not literally, blech).

A turkey stuffed with KFC and Cheetos, and marinated in vodka.

An idea struck me recently: instead of getting loved ones a bouquet of flowers, what about giving them a bouquet of spoons instead?

I’ve found that dark pants and a dark non-bulky coat are the way to go. Beyond that, you’re pretty good with anything. 

“Bernie ate a salad.”

Oh I do that too :-)

I do that too!

Ugh, now I have to rethink the whole practice.

I go for the giant ones; and since I can’t unhinge my jaw like a snake, it’s the knife and fork for me.

As long as he runs as the Republican he apparently is, I’m all for it. Otherwise, GTFO.

I also eat the sides of hoagie sandwiches first, then the back, then the rest. My eating habits are super weird now that I’m saying it all out loud.

I’m trying to figure out the logistics of that. Did they eat the burrito like corn-on-the-cob?

I use steak knives for both the pizza and the burrito. Gets the job done very nicely!