In junior high a classmate of mine went into his garage, sat in his dad’s jaguar and started revving it. He accidentally dropped it in gear and drove the thing into the attached house.

It could be worse?

“he told me the bible says its okay to poop in your hand then eat it but i’m not allowed to read so idk”

“sometimes I take a poop in my hand and then eat it”

When I was about 7 years old, I drove my mom’s VW Golf (MkII, blue, diesel, manual) through the neighbor’s garage door.

It would have been hilarious if he had a huge checklist, adjusted his mirrors, tightened his belts, gave a big smile, then put it in gear and accidentally blasted through the front instead. Well, except for those people standing there.

In my experience, they’re like a unicorn — I’ve never seen/had one and it’ll be a frigid day in the underworld before I ever do.

I was thinking of all the rat limbs the world could ever eat!

Amazing result. I’m interested to know whether in fifteen years amputees are opting for biological or inorganic limbs.

Nope. Best practices for suicide reporting recommend not using “committed,” which sounds like a crime or, to religious communities, like a sin, and “kill yourself” is just insensitive, crude, and poorly phrased. “Died by suicide” is the phrasing recommended by mental health professionals and the American Foundation…

Harden is still hitting 3’s in the offseason.

He started the night facing away from her, but then turned over 13 times.

As a fellow stay-at-home dad, can we please get some motherfucking changing stations in men’s public restrooms? For fuck’s sake.

Guess we won’t be having the 2015 Drunkspin-apalooza Meetup in Cambridge.

When Dan Snyder, Horse Fucker, was reached for comment, he could not come to the phone because Dan Snyder was too busy fucking a horse, because Dan Snyder Fucks Horses.

why isnt THIS trending in newsfeeds? instead of celebrity garbage? way to go kid. this is a true hero for our generation.

It follows some words of wisdom my cousin said after he came out of the closet to the family over Christmas. If the guy at the bar says he has three balls, you walk....plain and simple.

There is a VERY GOOD lawsplainer article at Popehat.com about this:

The story about the cancer-free anniversary “date” is one of the most pathetic things I’ve ever read. That’s some Ralph Wiggum/Lisa Simpson shit right there.