Of course they want to get it right. If they don't, Adrian Peterson will beat the ever loving shit out of them.

Really? It's dumb for me to say that physically disciplining a baby, who has no fucking concept of human words, much less "I'm doing this because you did that" connections is one lazy motherfucking way to be an adult with a child? There's no one year old in the world that deserves to have a hand laid on them!

exactly, at 1 years old they don't understand what is happening, why they are being punished, why what they did was wrong etc. At 1 years old come on now, their "bad behavior" stems from curiosity more than anything. Their not going over, about to touch the outlet because they're trying to be bad. I have a 1 year old,…

First think I will think of when I hear his name for the rest of his probably not that much longer career.

If you're disciplining a one year old, you aren't even fucking trying to parent.

They should suspend him without pay.

Fuck pecan pie.

Roger Goodell is following the American corporate "cultural tradition" of barricading himself in his office and having minions answer for his mistakes until the shitstorm blows over.

Jeez, Roger, does it take that long to compose a letter of resignation?

Does Eli actually swear or does he really say "shucks" and "darnit" when he's mad, like I imagine?

My favorite part of the song in the clip above are these lyrics:

Former Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura also called for Peterson's suspension, not because of abuse allegations, but because he was partially responsible for 9/11.

Corollary to this: a lot of the people that say "my parents beat me and I turned out great" are not such wonderful poster children for that theory as they seem to imagine.

I've started to notice the people that say "Don't tell me how to raise my kids!" are the exact people that need to be told how to raise their kids.

MLB: Jonathan, we're suspending you for 7 games

Of course, when RG3 says "He was watching over me," he's referring to Malsumis, the Native American god of cruelty who has been plotting his demise since the day he was drafted.

The Vikings could always pull a switcharoo, which Adrian Peterson believes to be beating the hell out of a wallaby.

It just fucking sucks that this guy of all people is effectively punished with a short timeout.

"beating the pussy up" is in fact a euphemism for engaging in really good sex.